relationshipsThose of you who follow my articles know that I’m a big believer in getting to the root energy cause of any issue or problem.  What do I mean by that?  I mean that while an issue can be addressed in any number of ways, and creating a list of action steps you can take to help solve a problem is useful, the action steps don’t always get to the heart of the problem (or clear the energy blocks that are preventing a real shift).

For example, many of my coaching clients (especially women) comment to me that they are having a hard time meeting their soulmate.  The advice that they get from others (including self-proclaimed “dating coaches”) are things like: “get out there and meet more people!,” “lose some weight and improve your appearance!,” or even, “don’t be so picky!”  While there is absolutely nothing wrong with any of that advice, it doesn’t really get at some very fundamental questions you need to be asking yourself in order to attract the right person.  Unless you dig a bit deeper and try to sort out what’s going on with your energy vibration (remember you are attracting all situations and people to you, based on the energy vibration you are putting out into the Universe).  This is why some people effortlessly run into their perfect soul mate when they are not even really looking, while others can’t seem to find the right person regardless of how hard they try, how many dating websites they’re on, how great they look, or how much money they have.  It’s not the action steps you’re doing; it’s a state of being.  You have to shift the energy you’re putting out there so your point of attraction is different.  Here are some very effective ways to raise your vibration and shift your point of attraction when it comes to relationships:

1.        Be the person you want to meet.  You want to attract someone honest, kind, successful, and attractive?  Start by being those things yourself.  And not just in the superficial definitions of looks and success – focus on qualities like character, generosity, patience, and love.  The more you ARE what you are wishing to attract, and the vibration you’re radiating reflects that consistently, the easier it is for the Universe to bring someone of similar wavelength into your experience. 

2.       Release any past emotional trauma or negativity once and for all.  This is a big one and probably deserves its own article.  Emotional and psychological scars from past experiences and relationships can really wreck havoc on your current energy vibration.  It’s easier than you think for a potential partner to pick up on all that drama and trauma you’re carrying around with you.  And I’m not just talking about what you tell someone else about your past history (cue the dating coaches… “don’t talk about your exes on a first date!”).  We’re all more intuitive than we give ourselves credit for, and it’s pretty easy (especially for guys who have met a lot of women and have experience dating, for example) to pick up on things like insecurity, vulnerability, self-doubt, lack of confidence, anger / angst toward a past relationship gone bad, etc.  In fact, a lot of “player” types are tuned in to specifically to these things, because it makes it easier for them to potentially take advantage of or manipulate a situation.  Besides, all that stuff comes out the more you get to know someone, and if you haven’t cleaned up those negative energy patterns, they starts showing up and muddying the relationship you’re in (even if both parties have the best of intentions).  In energy terms, you have to release / let go of any past negative energy vibrations, otherwise those same negative patterns start manifesting in your present relationships.

3.       Learn to pre-pave.  Another big one.  A lot of single women I know (both friends and clients), have unconscious negative expectations around dating and finding their soulmates.  Because they’ve been on a lot of bad dates, or have cycled through so many relationships that haven’t worked, they tend to propel that negative energy momentum forward and, true to Law of Attraction, continue to attract what they don’t want (because their predominant thoughts and feelings are still on those experiences).  One way to get out of this vicious cycle is to consciously pre-pave the experience you are hoping to create by visualizing what you want in your mind.  Think about what your ideal partner would look and sound like.  Visualize the setting of your first meeting and how smoothly and effortlessly it would go.  And most importantly, really focus on how you would feel if you were to meet that person (how you are feeling is an indicator of your energy vibration).  Remember, the Universe can’t tell the difference between whether you are imagining a circumstance or actually experiencing it as long as you are really feeling it – it’s only reading your vibration in the present moment and reflecting it back to you.  So, start shifting your point of attraction by visualizing exactly what you want before you go on more dates or meet more people.

4.       Get clear on what you want.  This relates to the last point.  Many people are not really clear on what it is that they want exactly.  Because they’re confused about 1) who they are and 2) what they actually want, it becomes very difficult for the Universe to deliver to them the “right person,” and they have this feeling of being chronically dissatisfied.  They are radiating mixed signals, or an energy frequency that is inconsistent, and so they get inconsistent results.  They’re moving from person to person just reacting to what is in front of them, forming some additional judgments, and moving to the next person.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with this – collecting data by meeting different people can help you hone in on who you are, what you want, and what kind of person you ultimately want to end up with.  But if you are ready to get off the treadmill, take some time to gain clarity around yourself and your ideal mate before you do your next online search.    

5.       Trust in divine timing.  Finally, if you are doing all of the above, it could just be that you are radiating a vibration of desperation or impatience, both of which are huge turn-offs to the Universe (and a potential soulmate)!  So relax and trust in the laws of the Universe – once you begin to understand energy and understand that creating an outer shift is all about looking within, you begin to release the need to control or manipulate external events / people, let go of the impatience that is keeping you in a holding pattern, and stop worrying about the future.  This allows a release of resistance, shifts your point of attraction, and creates space for the right person to glide effortlessly into your (new) reality.